Eddie and I were waiting for our order to come at Ruby Tuesday’s and making small talk I asked him if he had a domestic.
He laughed and said, “Yes. My wife couldn’t handle both our boys alone.”
“So how do you choose your domestic worker?”
“Through an agency.” And he took a sip of his Coca-Cola. “How about you? Do you have a domestic?”
I laughed. “No. I do everything myself. I wash my clothes. I was my dishes. I vacuum and dust. Clean my bathroom. I am my own domestic.” And we both smiled. “But if I did get a domestic, I would choose an incredibly hot one. I would love to come home to have someone there – you know? Someone to talk to.”
Eddie laughed. ‘You mean somebody to come home to fuck.” And he giggled.
I was quiet for a minute and thought about it. “Actually no. I can have sex with anyone. Really. Man, I am craving a real conversation. A deep connection.”
“Then you want a wife.”
I thought about that too. “No. Actually, I was already married. That didn’t fill that deep need of connection.”
“So no sex. No wife. What do you want?”
“Someone to talk to and who gets me.”
“But what if they are not good at sex?”
“A good conversation is sex. You know one of those conversations where you start like a joust – and you end laughing, laughing so hard your ribs hurt. I mean a deep laugh. And when you kiss cheeks or hug to leave – you are counting the days and minutes until you can start the conversation again.”
Eddie who was local Hong Kong was marveling at me for a second. “You foreigners think totally different.” And he laughed.
“What do you mean? I don’t think I am different. Don’t you want someone who gets you?”
“Yes. But a woman and man are different.”
“Yes, women are better and smarter. We just have convinced them that they are not – and that’s why we run things. But that’s changing.”
He laughed again. “Like I said you foreigners think totally different.”
“You don’t agree?”
“I think a woman deep down wants to be a wife and a mother. And if she doesn’t – she has lost what it means to be a woman.”
“Or she has become the woman she was meant to be. A woman has ambition. A woman has dreams. She has hopes.” I said.
Eddie began to say something but just then the waitress showed up and brought our food. He got the teriyaki chicken and I got the chicken wrap and avocado.
We were starving so we didn’t wait – we started eating immediately. But I started the previous conversation again. “So you never answered – how did you choose your domestic worker?”
He chewed the food in his mouth first. “Well, we have a Filipina.”
“Why not a mainland Chinese?”
He looked puzzled for a second. “They don’t have those.”
“They don’t? I would think Mainland Chinese would be the best domestics. And if I were you – I would get a hot Mainland Chinese woman to be your domestic.”
He put his fork into his chicken. “My wife wouldn’t stand for that.”
“Oh right.”
“No, the agency doesn’t offer Mainland Chinese. The agency usually offers Filipina and or Indonesian only.”
“So does your Filipina teach your boys English?”
He took a bit and shook his head. “No. I don’t want them to have a Filipino accent. That would be embarrassing. But Australian, British, or English would be okay but not Filipino.”
I was quiet as I chewed a mouthful. I didn’t like what I had ordered. It was tasteless. “So how did you choose your Filipina?”
“Well, I made sure she was new. She didn’t speak too much English. And she has no friends here already in Hong Kong.”
“You isolated her?”
“Yes. Because if you get a domestic that has been working for several families in Hong Kong – that’s a bad sign. Or if she has been here for too long – she has too many friends. And if she speaks English – she can get herself hired somewhere else.”
Suddenly, I felt saddened for Eddie’s domestic. Most of the domestics that came to Hong Kong had families of their own – but they sacrificed their children to raise another families’ children. And here I was hearing more – that they were deliberately isolated from friends and family to work harder. I was hearing now how a person was being turned into an object – something that could be bargained for – manipulated into optimization.
But Eddie kept eating his food and looking around the restaurant. I couldn’t get mad at him. It’s what he taught. And on paper, he was right. He was getting the most for his money.
I could imagine his domestic in her small room at night – alone – isolated – imagining her family back in their province in the Philippines. And her need was simple – she was dying for the same thing I was craving for – someone to talk to.
And it’s funny how life gets turned upside down and topsy-turvy when one tries to create some kind of normal. A new normal. Where your family is taken care of, you are loved and happy, and there is someone each day you cannot wait to tell about your day to.
He laughed and said, “Yes. My wife couldn’t handle both our boys alone.”
“So how do you choose your domestic worker?”
“Through an agency.” And he took a sip of his Coca-Cola. “How about you? Do you have a domestic?”
I laughed. “No. I do everything myself. I wash my clothes. I was my dishes. I vacuum and dust. Clean my bathroom. I am my own domestic.” And we both smiled. “But if I did get a domestic, I would choose an incredibly hot one. I would love to come home to have someone there – you know? Someone to talk to.”
Eddie laughed. ‘You mean somebody to come home to fuck.” And he giggled.
I was quiet for a minute and thought about it. “Actually no. I can have sex with anyone. Really. Man, I am craving a real conversation. A deep connection.”
“Then you want a wife.”
I thought about that too. “No. Actually, I was already married. That didn’t fill that deep need of connection.”
“So no sex. No wife. What do you want?”
“Someone to talk to and who gets me.”
“But what if they are not good at sex?”
“A good conversation is sex. You know one of those conversations where you start like a joust – and you end laughing, laughing so hard your ribs hurt. I mean a deep laugh. And when you kiss cheeks or hug to leave – you are counting the days and minutes until you can start the conversation again.”
Eddie who was local Hong Kong was marveling at me for a second. “You foreigners think totally different.” And he laughed.
“What do you mean? I don’t think I am different. Don’t you want someone who gets you?”
“Yes. But a woman and man are different.”
“Yes, women are better and smarter. We just have convinced them that they are not – and that’s why we run things. But that’s changing.”
He laughed again. “Like I said you foreigners think totally different.”
“You don’t agree?”
“I think a woman deep down wants to be a wife and a mother. And if she doesn’t – she has lost what it means to be a woman.”
“Or she has become the woman she was meant to be. A woman has ambition. A woman has dreams. She has hopes.” I said.
Eddie began to say something but just then the waitress showed up and brought our food. He got the teriyaki chicken and I got the chicken wrap and avocado.
We were starving so we didn’t wait – we started eating immediately. But I started the previous conversation again. “So you never answered – how did you choose your domestic worker?”
He chewed the food in his mouth first. “Well, we have a Filipina.”
“Why not a mainland Chinese?”
He looked puzzled for a second. “They don’t have those.”
“They don’t? I would think Mainland Chinese would be the best domestics. And if I were you – I would get a hot Mainland Chinese woman to be your domestic.”
He put his fork into his chicken. “My wife wouldn’t stand for that.”
“Oh right.”
“No, the agency doesn’t offer Mainland Chinese. The agency usually offers Filipina and or Indonesian only.”
“So does your Filipina teach your boys English?”
He took a bit and shook his head. “No. I don’t want them to have a Filipino accent. That would be embarrassing. But Australian, British, or English would be okay but not Filipino.”
I was quiet as I chewed a mouthful. I didn’t like what I had ordered. It was tasteless. “So how did you choose your Filipina?”
“Well, I made sure she was new. She didn’t speak too much English. And she has no friends here already in Hong Kong.”
“You isolated her?”
“Yes. Because if you get a domestic that has been working for several families in Hong Kong – that’s a bad sign. Or if she has been here for too long – she has too many friends. And if she speaks English – she can get herself hired somewhere else.”
Suddenly, I felt saddened for Eddie’s domestic. Most of the domestics that came to Hong Kong had families of their own – but they sacrificed their children to raise another families’ children. And here I was hearing more – that they were deliberately isolated from friends and family to work harder. I was hearing now how a person was being turned into an object – something that could be bargained for – manipulated into optimization.
But Eddie kept eating his food and looking around the restaurant. I couldn’t get mad at him. It’s what he taught. And on paper, he was right. He was getting the most for his money.
I could imagine his domestic in her small room at night – alone – isolated – imagining her family back in their province in the Philippines. And her need was simple – she was dying for the same thing I was craving for – someone to talk to.
And it’s funny how life gets turned upside down and topsy-turvy when one tries to create some kind of normal. A new normal. Where your family is taken care of, you are loved and happy, and there is someone each day you cannot wait to tell about your day to.
Continue reading "Normalcy (Hong Kong)"
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